Parenting tips

Ask any parent, and the likely response would be it is a tough time to be a parent in today’s times. In this information age and with our kids having access to so many electronic media around, it can be daunting task for any parent to take stock of what’s happening in our child’s daily lives.
In our growing-up years, options of entertainment were fewer and life was much simpler, though not necessarily easier. We had to content ourselves with a much less digitized world, and look for simpler means to amuse ourselves.
So what are the fears that parents have to learn to face? I have tried listing down a few:

• Multiple influences on our child: For kids with working parents, external influences can be a major factor in our child’s development. It is fine if grandparents are there to take care, but if not, then we have to look at external support systems (crèche, play schools, or a home matron), each of which will have their own influences.
• Exposure to Internet: In today’s world, access to Internet is so easily available, what with so devices available including the PC, tablets, and mobile phones. No doubt the Internet is rich library of knowledge, but it is also an equally rich source of information about every possible vice.
• Lack of physical exercise: One look around in any Indian city, and you will not miss an obese child. Due to the digital world and school pressures, we find kids spending fewer time with outdoor activities.

As parents, we have to accept that our kids will be attracted to the digital world and no measures of restrictions and parental controls can work in the long term. So how do we, as parents, ensure that our kids grow up into happy and responsible adults and good citizens? Here are a few simple tips, which I think would make a difference:

• Communicate with your child: Kids first learn to communicate with their parents, before interacting with the external world. Keep this communication channel with your kids running even as they are growing. Spend time with them asking about their day, and assure them that you would always be there for them, and that they can share their deepest fears and thoughts with you.
• Avoid confrontation: One of the easiest ways of breaking communication with your child is through confrontation. As parents, we interact with our child (as a kid) mostly through “instructions” (“Come for food,” “Eat properly” or “Talk softly”). As our children enter the “teen” years, instructions can a source of irritation and embarrassment. Try to have talks the way you would have with any other adult. Start treating them as equals once they are in teen years.
• Share simple joys with your kids: It is fine to go for a car ride with your kid or eat at an expensive restaurant. At the same time, go for a leisurely walk or travel by public bus with your kid, or share a bhel or chana-garam with them. This will develop a balanced perspective in them, and they will learn to enjoy the simpler things in life as well.
• Travel with your kids: Ensure that you travel to a new place every year with your kids. This not only ensures family time, but also creates long-time memories to cherish. 
• Think of new activities with your kids: For working parents, spending quality time with your child is more practical than the quantity of time you spend. To ensure quality time, you must think of new activities or experiences that you can have with your child. Travelling to a new place is one way of ensuring quality time, but can be done probably once or twice a year. For other times (for example, in the weekends), thinks of new experiences that you can have as a family. By no ways am I suggesting not visiting your favourite mall and your parents, but need not be done as a weekend ritual. Try avoiding weekend rituals; try different activities like a trip to the old city, a short drive out of the city, or maybe learn and play carrom at home.

Like adults, children like to be loved, respected, and appreciated by their parents. In today’s connected and globalized world, it is inevitable that children are going to be influenced by external factors. Nevertheless, when they need help or are confused about some decision, they should feel free to approach us for advice, or for simply listening them out.
It is up to us, as parents, if we can mould ourselves to fill the emotional void in our children.

Flaws in our education system

The current system of public education in India (or for that matter, in most industrialized economies) is designed to create university professors or to create an educated workforce that can serve in the field of industrialization. Unfortunately, neither of these are lucrative or practical career options for today’s children.

In the next 30 years, more students are expected to graduate from our universities (worldwide) than the current world population. Needless to say, just having a university degree or certification is going to be insufficient for having a lucrative career. Most parents are investing into their children’s education as a career insurance policy, which would guarantee them peace of mind in an uncertain world. The problem is in today’s world, we have no guarantee on what will work in the next 5 years (for examples, in our corporate careers), let alone the much longer spanning school and university terms. So how can we place our trust in a flawed education system to teach our children the skills required for them when they graduate in the next 22 years?

I have tried listing down some of the basic flaws in our current education system:

• Competition: Competition sounds good in an Olympic event or any sporting event, where one individual (or team) has to be better than the other, in order to win the gold medal or the tournament. I am sorry to say that this is an obsolete term in today’s corporates. But educators round the world, have realised that the best universities can only accommodate the best (or top-ranking) students, due to the limited physical space (or seats) available in the classes. Hence, the importance given to grading system, which is the sole benchmark and focus for all under-graduate students. This goes against the basic principal of modern education, which says, “No child left behind.” This has created a sense of discrimination in our classes, where the top-ranking students are the teacher’s favourites, while the bottom-ranking students are made to feel as a misfit.

The education system cannot be run as an Olympic selection committee, where only the best are selected and the rest discarded and left to their destinies. The best in every student must be nurtured and encouraged.

•  Curriculum approach: A common complaint among many parents today are that their children are burdened with too many subjects. I agree with that, and the reason for that is an ever-expanding school curriculum, which is now bursting at its seams and cannot be further expanded without cutting down on student vacation time. I do believe that you will agree with me, that all curriculum content (basic and even advanced) are what I call, the “google stuff.” I think the curriculum approach is based on a false notion that only schools can impart knowledge and learning to kids. Kids (even as toddlers) learn from every available source of knowledge, including their parents and their daily environment. As Sugata Mitra points out in his “Can kids teach themselves?” video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRb7_ffl2D0), young kids can teach themselves, especially when they work in groups. Personally, I have loved book libraries with a huge collection of books on every available topic, where one could spend hours (or even the entire day) browsing through books of your own choice. Today, we have the Internet, which is the largest library of information and knowledge, and can teach us all the “google stuff.” Why should we then burden teachers and student to teach and learn with a curriculum-based education methodology?
•  Lack of soft skills and education in values: The over emphasis on curriculum has robbed our education system from imparting life skills or soft skills (as it is described today in corporate culture). I strongly believe that children are not intellectually dependent upon us, but they do depend on adults for life values such as happiness, integrity, and ethics. In the previous Gurukul system of Indian education, the guru (or teacher) not only imparted knowledge to students, but also life values, which enable you to live your life with the maximum potential.

Regarding soft skills in today’s workplace, there is a stronger requirement for employees to have confidence and collaboration skills to succeed in the workplace. Hence the education system must encourage collaboration (or team building) and develop confidence (through personality development and class presentations) in their students. Unfortunately, development of these soft skills are mostly not encouraged at all in our education system.

A combination of the above flaws is putting a lot of pressure and creating stress among our children. This is evident from the increasing drop-out percentage of students from schools. Even if they manage the pressure, students (especially in their early teens) appear stressed and the joy and spark that you notice in toddlers appears to be fading away with increasing years.

For a keen learner, learning can be a life-long experience. As adults, we pride ourselves in learning new skills, which could be a new technology, a work-related skill, or even something as trivial as learning to do touch typing. Learning something new is always motivating and increases our confidence. Similarly for children, education and learning can be an enriching experience, provided the pressures associated with our education system can be eliminated. Let me finish with the wise words of Kahlil Gibran with regards to learning:

“The teacher who walks in the shadow of the temple, among his followers, gives not of his wisdom but rather of his faith and his lovingness. If he is indeed wise he does not bid you enter the house of his wisdom, but rather leads you to the threshold of your own mind.”

Election fever

As the election fever reaches a crescendo, it is difficult for the non-interested to also remain unaffected. It has been a high on hype and voltage, and brings happy tidings for the Narendra Modi-backed BJP, who (on the basis of the popular sentiment and exit polls) are expected to form the new government.

Personally, I believe that it is the middle-income (or middle-class) people who have been the catalyst for change in this country. However, I welcome the idea of a Modi-led government, as it has created an air of enthusiasm and optimism among Indian citizens, irrespective of their economic and social background. After the last 3 years of despair and confusion due to non-governance, it is good to see political hope in the people, as this itself can drive self-initiative and positive thinking, which can lead to strong growth at least in the near future.

The stock market rallying to cross 24K mark, is an indicator of this new-found optimism. 

Thought about happiness

Just a thought that came across me this morning... We, humans, spend so much time thinking of what will make me happy. It could be a lucrative career, a promotion, birth of a child, or perhaps something as simple as a bright sunny day after days of gloomy weather or seeing a pretty face. My theory is instead of thinking of WHAT will make me happy, think of HOW i can be happy? Confused, let me explain the difference. Think of the ways in which you can display your happiness if you were to experience something NOW that would make you happy. You may smile or laugh, throw  a party if you can afford one, or maybe just start dancing....The ways are innumerable. The problem most people have is they do not know how to celebrate their happiness...What's the point of being happy inside without showing it outside? Just think about it. My logic is just think of the HOW, the WHAT will follow invariably.

Trip to the City of Lakes

A tour of Rajasthan is never complete without visiting its crown jewel, the “City of Lakes” or Udaipur, thus named after its founder, Maharana Uday Singh of Mewad, when he decide to move his kingdom capital from Chittorgarh to Udaipur. 

Set among the Aravalli mountain range, this picturesque town is famous for its popular lakes and numerous palaces, including the famous City Palace, which looks at its royal and magnificent best under lights. The palace (because of its height) offers a lovely view of the older side of the town. The Light and Sound show in the City Palace is the best History class that I have attended, as we got a glimpse of the pride and honour of Mewad through their sacrifices and battles. The kingdom of Mewad was the only kingdom, which chose to fight the conquerors, including the Mughals and the British, rather than adopt peaceful methods of surrendering their kingdom.

Among the lakes, the popular ones are Lake Pichola (where we went for a leisurely boat ride) and Lake Fateh Sagar, which was close to our little palace hotel, Palace Ram Pratap. The lake-side open air restaurant was a treat not only for the delicious Junglee maas (a lamb-based rajasthani delicacy) but also for the serene view of Lake Fateh Sagar.

Nehru garden is a treat for flower and bird lovers, and is located on an island in Lake Pichola. This garden can be accessed only through a boat ride in Lake Pichola. Another popular tourist spot is the Saheliyon-ki-bari, which literally means, “Garden of the Maidens.” This garden was built exclusively for the Queen and her maidens, who used to spend their leisure time in this garden, dotted by lotus ponds, green surroundings, and elephant fountains.

A short drive from Udaipur takes you to Sajjangarh palace, which is located on a hill top and overlooks the Fateh Sagar lake. The attraction in this palace is that it is surrounded by a wildlife reserve forest and offers a fantastic aerial view of Udaipur city.

A tour of the Maharana Pratap memorial travels you back to the yester years of courage and valour and houses the vintage arms and swords that were the pride of the Mewad kingdom. Another vintage spot in Udaipur is the Chetak Smarak, dedicated to the loyal and faithful horse of Maharana Pratap. 

After enjoying the good food and proud culture of Udaipur, it was time to say adieu to the most memorable history class of my travels.